Yet another Hikaru no Go Parody
by Lizmun
Summary: You would think I'd learn from other's mistakes, however that didn't stop me. I hope this one's a bit different that the others out there! Enjoy! PG rating just to be on the Safeside


Author's Note:   
Recently, while reading "Hikaru no Go" fanfics, I came across a little   
spazzing cursor on in one of the stories I was reading. Thinking my computer was   
again on the fritz, I clicked on it a few times to see what would happen.   
  
Big Mistake!  
  
Now I'm being possessed by a five year old ghost obsessed with acquiring the   
"Spamfic of God" and was forced to write this for you readers.  
  
I should call Ghostbusters after I'm done.  
  
Disclaimer:  
You gotta be a complete idiot to think that "Hikaru no Go" belongs to me.   
First of all, I'm not Hotta Yumi nor am I Obata Takeshi. Second of all.. I think   
I'm a.. what.. a 50 K in the game? I got my ass whopped in the last game I played,   
which was against my little sister who thought it was a big "connect the dots" game.   
*sighs*  
  
Comments and Critiques wanted:  
Please apply within.  
  
*****  
  
It was a dark and stormy night... No, wait, that wasn't entirely true.   
Although it was "dark and stormy" this story takes place around two pm on a Sunday   
afternoon. It was the type of weather where one would gladly wrap themselves in a   
warm, wool blanket, turn up the thermostat, prepare some tea and snuggle with a good   
book.. or play a few games on the television.  
  
However, not everyone liked to follow the norm. Such were our two main   
characters who thought it was a great time to catch pneumonia in the rain.  
  
"Hikaru!"  
  
The voice belonged to a young girl, who, at the moment, was soaked from head   
to toe. Wiping a drenched strand of purple-reddish hair away from her exceedingly   
large brown eyes, she turned toward her companion, a young little punk with a   
horrible dye-job.   
  
Hikaru, as was the name of the "young little punk with a horrible dye-job"   
merely looked up from the puddle he was currently splashing in. He didn't respond to   
his companion immediately, but rather snapped his head to the side, wanting to   
suavely remove his obviously-fake blond bangs away from his soaked, cherubic face.   
This action only caused more strands to whip into his eyes. Hikaru growled, then   
sighed as he was forced to manually push the bangs away from his face. Not cool at   
all.  
  
Just as Hikaru was about to splash into another large puddle, his eyes   
suddenly went wide in shock. Without another moment to spare, he sprang from his   
location and headed toward his friend, grabbing the girl's hand as he ran by, nearly   
dragging her behind him.  
  
"Hurry up, Akari! We haveta go!"  
  
Akari, the girl whom we finally know the name of, merely pouted at Hikaru.   
She had been enjoying their little "romp in the rain," especially after seeing how   
the water seemed to make Hikaru's clothing cling into his small body like second   
skin.   
  
Hikaru, unaware that his companion was thinking impure thoughts about him,   
especially when both were way too young to be thinking of such things, dragged his   
friend to a nearby shrine for shelter. He leaned his back on one of the walls and   
sighed a breath of relief and wiped the burning water away from his face. That was   
close... a few more minutes in the rain and the peroxide in his hair would have   
completely washed off...  
  
"Semi-permanent my ass!"  
  
"Did you say something, Hikaru?" Akari asked her friend, practically   
drooling at Hikaru' soaked, hunched and gasping form. Yes, something was definitely   
wrong with that sixth-grader.  
  
The boy in question, not liking that mischievous gleam he caught in the   
girl's eye, looked away nervously.  
  
"Uh.. Nothing! Say.. how about we look around? Who knows... maybe we can   
find an old well that can transport us to other dimensions or stuff.. or a scroll   
revealing the secrets of ninjitsu!" Hikaru's eyes went into a starry mode just   
imagining the possibilities.   
  
Akari, however, simply sighed. As cute, handsome, sexy, and ravishing.. oh   
yes.. definitely ravishing as the boy may be... she pouted on the thought that   
Hikaru really needed to stop killing his brain-cells with anime.  
  
The shrine was pretty much a garage full of useless junk. In their half   
hour of searching, they managed to pull out a Go board, a board game, and a more   
boring game; a Bingo set.  
  
Disappointed, Hikaru plopped himself against a desk and leaned back. Why   
couldn't they have found a sword at the least, or maybe an enchanted letter opener?   
Was that too much to ask?  
  
In a small fit of frustration, Hikaru snapped his head back, conking his   
head against the wooden surface. The suddenly vibration had caused a few papers,   
along with various pens and other items, to fall onto the boy's lap. Hikaru's eyes   
widened at the shower of contents, especially one that was laying there right on   
top. Finally something of worth! Setting the other items aside, he picked up a   
deck of cards and made his way toward Akari.  
  
"Hey! Look what I found! Wanna play a game until the rain lets out?"  
  
Akari smiled and nodded.   
  
"Okay! How about a game of strip-poker?"  
  
Hikaru simply raised a brow at his weird friend.   
  
"Riiight.. Forget I asked. I'm just going to play a bit of solitaire." And   
with that, Hikaru left his friend to her own fantasies and scurried to the farthest   
corner of the shack.. er.. shrine.  
  
Taking out the deck from it's pack, Hikaru examined the cards. They were   
nothing out of the ordinary, in fact, his dad had a deck just like the one he held   
in his hand. However, the geisha's in his father's deck were wearing swimsuits.   
  
While shuffling the deck, Hikaru blinked as one of the cards fell from his   
hands and onto the floor. Picking up the three of spades, he examined some   
teeth-marks in the corner of the card.   
  
Not being the brightest of light-bulbs, Hikaru clamped his teeth in the same   
corner of the card.  
  
"OW!"  
  
"Who said that?" Hikaru stood up suddenly, snapping his head left to right,   
looking for the source of the voice. Crap! If someone found out they were sneaking   
inside the shack, they might be kicked out. Then his cool, blond bangs would be   
ruined for sure!  
  
"You can hear me?" The mysterious voice asked.  
  
"Like Duh! You gotta be a complete ditz not to hear you."   
  
"Did you say something, Hikaru?" Akari asked, after having her thoughts   
broken by her obsession's voice.  
  
Hikaru looked at the girl and shook her head.  
  
"Too easy...."  
  
Akari jumped from the spot she had been sitting and grabbed Hikaru's arm in   
a hug. She tilts her head toward Hikaru's ear and begins to whisper in a squeaky,   
yet disturbingly seductive voice. "I can be... for you."  
  
"Get away from me! Eww! Cooties!!"   
  
Wanting to get away as fast as he can from his now "ex-friend", Hikaru   
thrashes his arms about in a slight panic. Not looking at where he was going he was   
going, he trips over a bowling ball and slams face-first onto the ground, knocking   
himself unconscious.   
  
Had the dismembered voice had a form, one would say it'd be sweatdroping   
right now. Akari, on the other hand, calmly walked toward the limp form of her   
beau.   
  
"Don't worry, my love! I'll perform CPR and bring you back to life!"  
  
Hikaru's eyes snapped open at this and scurried to the corner.  
  
"No no! I'm fine!" Waving his arms about as to somewhat form a shield around   
himself, laughing nervously. "Hmmm.. I wonder where that voice came from though?"  
  
The said voice, if it had a body at the moment, would have jumped with glee   
at being remembered.  
  
"It came from me!" It responded perkily.   
  
Looking up, Hikaru blinked as a smoky form gathered before his eyes and   
began to take shape of a young, human-looking person with long, white robes and a   
ridiculously high hat. Hikaru's left eye twitched.  
  
"Who the hell are you, Pope-lady?"  
  
Said Pope-lady staggered and glared at the impetuous young punk.  
  
"Lady? I'll have you know, I am Fujiwarano Sai! Male! Blood type.. er.. well   
I'm not living anymore, so that doesn't count. Anyway! Thanks to you, young man, I   
am now given a chance to live again! Oh happy-happy day!"  
  
"So...." Hikaru's mental gears were heavily at work at the moment. "does   
this mean that you a Genie? Are you going to grant me three wishes." The monkey   
operating Hikaru's brain slapped itself on its forehead then sighed as it continued   
churning the music-box.  
  
"Genie?" Sai, the disembodied-pope-lady glared at Hikaru after having picked   
himself up from it's face-fault. "No no! I'm not a Genie. However, instead of   
wishes, I shall thank you by giving you power and the knowledge and all of the   
secrets of.."  
  
Hikaru waited on baited breath. Okay, so this Sai-pope-lady wasn't a   
genie.. but perhaps he/she was about to reveal to him the secrets of winning the   
lottery, video games or even better... give him the power to become an extra-cool,   
bishie Pop singer!"  
  
"... Go Fish!"  
  
"What...?"   
  
"Oh yes! I used to be a very renown Go-fisher in my day. I had won   
championships, heck, I even taught the emperor's daughter's best-friend's roommate's   
cousin once! It was such an honor!  
  
Having now picked up his shattered fantasies from the ground, Hikaru sighed   
and looked out the window, happy that the rain had cleared. He then turned his back   
to the weird Pope not-lady.  
  
"Pass."  
  
"Excuse me?" Sai blinked and turned to look down at the boy, only to find   
the boy's form running out the door. With lively energy he hadn't felt in sixteen   
years and seven months he chased after his rescuer. "Hey! Where you going? I need   
you to help me fulfill my dream of acquiring the 'Book of God'!"  
  
Hikaru didn't look back, in fact the voice of his pursuer caused him to run   
even faster.  
  
"Go to a Church! A library! Go on E-Bay! Just get the hell away from me!"  
  
"Come Baaack!!"  
  
Back in the Shrine, Akari simply blinked at what just happened. Clenching   
her fist in determination, she tilts her head at the ceiling, as if making a vow to   
the gods.  
  
"Don't worry, Hikaru! I'll love you even if you do have schizophrenia! Who   
knows? Perhaps my love will cure you of your insanity!" With that said, Akari bursts   
out of the shrine and follows her future love-mate.  
  
****  
  
Random voice: Do you have any Three's?  
  
Chorus: GO GO GO-FISH!  
  
Hi! Sam O. Chumohe here to explain the basics of Go-Fish.  
  
For those who don't know how to play... where have you been? Under a rock?   
Dead? Having your mind sucked out with a vacuum? Pitiful mortal.  
  
Anyway, the concept of the game is simple. The game consists of a deck of 52   
cards with two to seven players. The object is to collect the most "books." Books   
are sets of four cards of the same rank, for example- four 10s or four Queens. You   
acquire these cards by asking other players for cards you think they may have until   
one person runs out of cards, or the deck runs out of cards.   
  
It's that simple... Heck! It's so simple, there will be no more   
Go-Go-Go-fish because that's all you need to know for the game.  
  
Sheesh.. this was a waste of my time.... 


End file.
